It’s no secret that being able to negotiate well is a coveted skill. It’s also no secret for those who know me that I’m good at asking. I’m also good at receiving. And that happens because I believe that I will get what I’m asking for. I ask confidently and expectantly. And you can, too. It’s an equation of confidence x belief x expectation + clarity + irresistibility = jackpot.
The Power of Asking
A friend once said to me, “I called you because you’re not afraid to ask.” That same week, two others told me the same thing. It’s not about being pushy—it’s about being clear on the value I bring and expecting to be compensated accordingly.
I learned this early. At six years old, my dad gave me a few dollars at the flea market and said, “Go have fun—but never pay full price.” From that moment, I fell in love with “the deal.”
Whether you’re negotiating for a car, a promotion, or even just trying to get your kid to eat broccoli, the principles are the same.
Step 1: Know What You Want
Before you can ask for something, you need to define it. Do you want:
- A new client?
- A promotion to Executive Vice President?
- Someone to speak at your event?
Clarity comes first. Without it, you can’t expect others to see your value.
Step 2: Have the Courage to Ask
The hardest part is often simply speaking up. I remember asking Donald Miller, CEO of StoryBrand, to endorse my book. Honestly, it took more courage than I care to admit—it felt like a bold, maybe even presumptuous request.
He said no.
But here’s the twist: he offered something better. He invited me on his podcast, giving me far more exposure than an endorsement would have.
The lesson? You never know what’s possible until you ask.
Step 3: Make It About Them
An ask works best when it’s others-focused. Instead of “I’d like to get promoted,” try:
“I’d love to help expand the accounting department and bring in new business.”
Instead of “Would you speak at my event?” try:
“Would you like to join a movement empowering college students to step into leadership?”
See the difference? You’re connecting your ask to what matters to them. That makes it hard to say no.
Step 4: Be Clear and Confident
Don’t waver. Don’t hedge. State what you want with confidence and kindness.
Here are some simple prompts to get you started:
- “Can we get closer to …?”
- “I was hoping for the high end of the range …”
- “What else might you be able to offer?”
- “I realize I’m higher than most …”
- “There may be a path to that …”
- “How does that land with you?”
That last one is especially powerful. It opens the door for real dialogue instead of awkward silence or vague brush-offs like, “I’ll think about it.”
Step 5: Handle “No” with Curiosity
A “no” isn’t the end—it’s the start of a conversation. Try asking:
- “What’s your biggest concern?”
- “How far off are we?”
- “Could we explore a different solution we haven’t thought of yet?”
Negotiation is about relationships. A “no” often just means “not this way.”
Extra Tips for Confident Negotiating
- State your fee and pause. The person who can sit longest in the silence usually wins.
- Level-set early. Try: “We’ll talk through my process and then my fees. How does that sound?” It shows you’re comfortable discussing money.
- Lead the process. Be clear about how you work: “Here’s how people typically work with me.” Clarity inspires confidence.
- Offer alternatives. If they can’t afford your fee, say: “There are things beyond money that are valuable to me. May I share those with you?”
The Bottom Line
Negotiating confidently isn’t about being pushy—it’s about clarity, courage, and connection.
When you know your value, ask with confidence, and position your request in a way that offers value to the other person, you’ll be amazed at what opens up.
And don’t forget: your body language and tone matter just as much as your words. Smile. Speak with certainty. Lead with warmth and conviction.
Because confident negotiators don’t just win deals—they build lasting relationships.
