At a recent conference I was attending in Duluth, Minnesota, I had a moment that stopped me in my tracks: imagine a room full of 75 women with a speaker soliciting input from the audience.
I wanted to contribute to the conversation but I was seated toward the back, so I decided to wait until the speaker came closer with the microphone instead of raising my hand sooner when I wanted to say something. I realized – in the moment – that I was waiting instead of going for it, all because I didn’t want to inconvenience her. It wasn’t until someone else near me raised her hand to speak that I felt permission to jump in, and then it hit me – even though I teach you how to speak up, these habits are so ingrained for many of us!
Here are some tips to help you grant yourself permission instead of waiting to be invited (this is also an episode on my podcast, so tune in HERE to hear me walk you through this):
1. Swap Permission With Declaration
Instead of “Is it okay if I…?” try “Here’s what I’m doing…” or “here’s my plan.”
Use declarative language that signals confidence and clarity. You’re not seeking approval—you’re informing.
2. Trust Your Competence
Asking for permission is often a mask for self-doubt. Make a celebration portfolio: this is a list of your wins, skills, and past evidence that you make good decisions. Refer to it. Confidence grows from proof, not permission.
3. Set Internal Criteria, Not External Validation
Decide what you need to feel comfortable taking action: information, alignment, support, or timing—not someone else’s “yes.” If your criteria are met, you move. Period.
4. Use Boundaries as Your Backbone
When you stop asking for permission, you start owning your boundaries. Practice phrases like:
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “Here’s what I can do instead.”
Boundaries eliminate the need for permission because you’re the one defining what’s acceptable for you.
5. Take Small Acts of Courage Daily
Big confidence is built on small risks. Choose one low-stakes moment each day to not ask for permission—send the email, state your opinion, initiate the idea. Momentum builds power.
Remember – you already have permission – go for what you want!
Xoxo
Karen
P.S. These are tips from my podcast episode titled “Grant Yourself Permission – Stop Waiting.” For the full episode, listen HERE.
